Thursday, October 31, 2013

Week 3

Piranha 3DD

Junk. This movie is just junk...more junkier than the 1st movie...and I didn't like the 1st one. The first one was stupid. It was apparently SUPPOSED to be stupid, and self aware, but I have watched enough bad movies to not care if it was self aware or not.

But this takes it up a being worse than the original.

The movie takes place at some sort of waterpark/"Girls Gone Wild" thingamajig. I wonder if this is where the main conflict is going to be. We've got some characters that I just don't care about. They're just flat characters who I don't care if they die or not.

Anyway, after several minutes of "comedy" and David Hassellhoff...because it wouldn't be a self aware movie without The Hoff. He was only there to be a parody of himself. My aunt from New York saw a couple of minutes of this train wreck and asked,

"Is this a parody of Baywatch?" Me: "I hope this is a parody of Batwatch."

So, the piranhas come back because the main character's uncle connected outside water to the water park water...despite her warning him not to. Being an asshole in the movie, he does it anyway, giving the piranhas a chance to eat the people at the newly opened water park.

Wow. The first day of a water park and people are dying. Coney Island didn't have this problem in the first month!

Anyway, it's what you expect, camera close-ups to mortally wounded people, piranhas jumping at the screen making it look like it's 3D but, without the glasses it looks tacky, and Ving Rhames with guns for legs...

I'm sorry. I should repeat that last one. Ving Rhames has guns for legs. And shoots piranhas in the water. I'm still not sure it's either stupid or incredibly stupid....I'm going for incredibly stupid.

So...this movie is horrible. I don't care who thinks I'm being cruel. People like the first one, I didn't...don't judge. This movie is even worse. It's only junk.

Twice the junk. Twice the stupidity. Twice as likely to not get a least, let's hope to God there is no sequel.

The Music Video Show - Episode 5

Thursday, October 17, 2013

The Music Video Show - Episode 4

Week 2

Star Trek: Into Darkness

Apologies for missing last week...I...don't know what I was doing.

Anyway, after many many many many months of wanting to see the sequel to the good Star Trek movie, I finally see it...just one problem.

I should never ever ever look at the back of the DVD cover. Otherwise, there will be spoilers just before you watch the the way...there are going to be spoilers here.

So, it's the original Star Trek 2...that's pretty much it. The villain is Khan...which leads me right back to what I said looking at the back of the DVD cover.

When I looked at the back of the DVD cover before watching the movie, I saw the villain's name was's pretty much like the people were like...

"People know who the villain really is...we're not going to hide the details even if they spend years trying to find the movie when they can afford to buy it. They might as well just watch the original 2nd movie."

Also, everybody knew that the villain was Khan...and it was. So, even if I didn't look at the DVD cover, I wasn't that surprised when he mentioned who he was.

Oh and after a few minutes, Pike dies, which caused me to scratch my head a little bit. Here's why:

In the first movie, Pike barely survived and ended up in a wheel chair at the end. In this movie, he's fine and walking with a cane. Then, Khan appears and shoots several people during a meeting, killing Pike. What was the point of killing Pike at the beginning of this movie, instead of killing him in the 1st movie? So, than Kirk could be inspired enough to gain back control of his ship?

Oh yeah, after a botched side mission, Kirk loses control of his ship because the inhabitants of an island where it took place saw the Enterprise and, after years of not knowing technology, they praise the ship as some sort of God.

Now, I know how the original 2nd movie went. Khan is the most evil villain in the galazy and Spock dies. Now, Khan is damn good in this movie and he did his part well. Don't have much to say, except it was a bit hammy at times.

Oh and there is a role reversal with Kirk and Spock...Kirk dies. Eh. I didn't really care...a part of me is like...

"Like you would really do it. If they brought back Spock in the original 3rd movie, Kirk would be brought back in the sequel."

Well, I was half right. Kirk does come back...about 7 minutes after he dies. How? Spock runs after Khan to kill him after Kirk dies. Then, he is informed that Khan needs to be brought back alive because his blood can cure people's diseases. like the father whose daughter was dying, so Khan made a deal. His blood will help his daughter and the father must sacrifice himself by blowing himself, and the place he worked, up.

Okay. Okay.

As for the rest of the film...I don't remember caring much. It was darker...a little bit darker. It was intense but not completely dark. The stakes were higher and...that's all I could think about.

All and all, the 1st one was better but it was a pretty good sequel. I hope the 3rd one will be better.

Friday, October 4, 2013

Week 1

Speed 2: Cruise Control

8:30 AM, Sunday morning. In my basement. Holding a bag of Ruffle chips and a huge bottle of Sunny D.

I look at the DVD cover of the movie: Speed 2. Sandra Bulluck looks like she had a haircut, even though she has a full set of hair in the actual movie. Now, I've wanted to watch this movie ever since I heard about how it's one of the worst sequels of all time.

I've never watched the first movie but I got the jest of, after pondering whether or not to watch a better movie...I didn't have another I had no choice and popped this sucker right in the DVD player.

The movie starts and everything gets going. Sandra Bullock is speeding through traffic in order to pass a driving test....I'm surprised that she didn't kill anybody with her car...maybe she killed Keanu Reeves's character from the 1st would be a better explanation than breaking up in between movies. We don't have a stoic action star in this movie so we get Jason Patric, instead.

So, Bullock's character and Patric's character are dating and they go to where the majority of the movie takes place...a boat cruise....a very slow boat cruise. We get a bunch of characters which I don't care about...the only notable ones are a deaf girl and Jeremy Hotz, which I thought was a familiar face but when I saw the end credits, I found it was ACTUALLY him. Wow. Great casting. Get a guy who's kind of annoying and get him to play a character who is a bit irritating.

Oh yeah...and there's someone else...William Dafoe. Up until this point, I didn't know that he was in this movie. (I didn't even look at the back of the cover to look at who was in it) Before he even said a word, I was thinking... "

Yeah, this guy is the villain."

And then, after a few chip eating minutes, the plot gets going....something about the boat getting destroyed when it crashes into something...I stopped caring five minutes into the plot, mostly because I knew immediately what was wrong with the movie. The action is on a slow moving boat. While the action was going, I was thinking...

"Okay, the first movie took place on a fast moving bus that had to keep its speed up. In this movie, it's on a slow slow slow moving boat. I wonder if this movie wasn't suck a disaster, Speed 3 would be about a bicycle that would blow up if you get off of it."

So, after not caring about much and just eating the huge bag of chips, the boat is about to crash into an oil rig because Dafoe makes the cruise do that through some techno thing but the Patric character diverts it away...just for the boat to be headed for a small town. So, while the boat is crashing, I'm scratching my head, thinking,

"So, they avoided a disaster...only to crash into the small town, causing damage and possibly killing a few people. So, the Patric isn't really a hero if he's caused this much damage. Cool!"

All while Bullock's character has been kidnapped by Dafoe. Has she contributed anything in this movie? In fact, wasn't she kidnapped in the last movie? In fact, if Sandra Bullock wasn't in this movie...

Wait...I'm willing to bet this was a COMPLETELY different movie. Just take out Bullock out of the movie and replace her with ANY other actress...this isn't a Speed sequel. But, I guess because the 1st one made money...

Either way, this movie is horrible...and it's 2 hours long. A movie this slow and boring is 2 hours long! So many things could have been cut out of the film, kidnapping Bullock's character, a lot of the supporting characters, the whole plot, the fact that this is a clearly a standalone movie, not a Speed sequel. So, when the movie showed the end credits, I saw the horribly CG boat that had crashed into the town and that summed up the entire movie as a whole.

"This whole movie is a shipwreck."

From The Basement Intro

Well, I've reviewed movies and, currently, music videos, but I wanted to watch movies without doing the video reviews...mostly because I'm busy with The Music Video Show and other personal stuff. But I want to keep up with some of the movies that I've been watching lately...but how to do it. Then I saw a video with Kevin Murphy and Michael J Nelson of MST3K. Kevin Murphy went to see a movie once a week for a year and wrote his experience with the movie in a book. It detailed what he was eating, his thoughts about the movie and his thought DURING the movie. I thought I could hopefully do the same thing. So, from October 2013 to October 2014, once a week, I'll post a movie review that is like Kevin's book..except on a computer, obviously. So, let's start the party!